How do you work through issues related to character traits you want to be rid of? If you are powerless to change yourself, who can you rely on to guide you through your growth?
It is often the case that survivors and people in recovery desire to plan and coordinate every aspect of their lives. This determination to construct a finely drawn out map of the future results in personal torment and irritation with the flow of “life on life’s terms.” You can not know peace whilst trying to direct everything to fit your ideal image of how it should be. The folly of control also applies to changing ourselves to fit the perfect image of who we think we “should be.”
The first step towards freedom is accepting the areas in our lives where we are powerless. This process takes what it takes. We all have a different bottom to reach in order to truly feel the pain associated with powerlessness. You know when you’ve reached that point of readiness when the pain it takes to stay the same is greater than the pain it takes to change. True change occurs when you acknowledge what you are powerless over and, instead of beating yourself up for being “weak,” seek outside support.
Your level of humiliation is in indirect proportion to the safety of those you rely on for support. When you have come to the place of humility, accepting who you truly are and the areas of your life that you want to see transformed, then you deserve to know that the outside support you are seeking is safe and reliable. Becoming vulnerable in the light of growth and change is often terrifying for those who have experienced violence and torment. You have the capacity to determine who to move towards and who to move away from.
Humiliation either occurs when we do not value ourselves or we are not valued by others.
In 12-Step recovery programs this process of seeking help to remove personal obstacles that are no longer serving our greatest good is referred to as Step 7: Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings. There is an accompanying prayer suggested for this step. Many who have made this crucial step in their recovery recite this prayer upon awakening each morning. There is a power cultivated through prayer, on a daily basis. I invite you to include the following prayer to your morning spiritual practice:My Creator, I am now willing that You should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that You now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to You and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do Your bidding. May Thy will, not mine, be done. Amen
WORKSHEET ON Humility vs Humiliation
Write down the answers to the following questions:
1. Define what humiliation means to you.
2. What are 3 examples of when you have felt humiliated in your life?
3. Define what humility means to you.
4. What are 3 examples of acts of humility you’ve experienced?
5. How do you feel most comfortable asking for help?
6. What character traits are you ready to let go of?
7. How will you reach out for support in being relieved of these shortcomings?
© Amanda Lee